Memoir

“I had to go back to my past to look at my future”

(Rainbow Johnson; Black-ish, Season 3, Episode 8.

Barris, K., Rice-Genzuk, J., Taylor, Y. & Bray, K. 2016)

I stumbled onto a Dr. Alvin Thomas’ podcast with Kwame Alexander as the guest. Alexander is an award-winning author, poet, and publisher known for his contribution in literature with books such as The Crossover (2014). In the January 2024 episode about Fatherhood, Alexander shared that his oldest daughter was upset when he included stories about her in his memoir, Why Fathers Cry at Night. He shared that prior to the release of the book, he and his daughter had not spoken in three years and included that “the book was a way for me to talk to her.” To summarize their conversation, Alexander commented that a secondary purpose of writing the memoir was to present his story in hopes that she would understand more about his upbringing and how it molded him into the person and father he was.

We often look at our parents and view their shortcomings- career choices, financial decisions, or questionable parenting styles. Oftentimes, we miss the stories, “Hall of Shame” events, and tragedies that have formed them into the person they are. For whatever reason, their baggage has not been disclosed in a case that benefits our assessment of them. Without having as much of the complete picture, we are unable to truly know and understand them. In an episode of Blackish, Rainbow Johnson struggles to understand why she was upset that her son was dating a white girl. The irony is that Rainbow is biracial- Black mother, white father. After a conversation with her father, she realized that she “had to go back to [her] past to look at [her] future.” Her own identity was the source of her internal conflict. Once she understood what frustrated and shook her self-beliefs, Rainbow was able to embrace her son’s relationship and focus on loving and supporting him. 

Have you looked in the mirror? If you are a parent- biological or “bonus”- have you shared your past with your kids? The effects of our childhood manifest beyond youth and adolescence- they also impact our lives as adults and our marriages. When our experiences are left untreated, we unconsciously pass down trauma in various forms to our children. There are many tools we can use to treat our childhood traumas: counseling, therapy, and self-care (journaling, exercise, meditation, and more). 

Listening to: Natalie Taylor- Surrender